scanning the news

I bought a newspaper on Saturday from Tesco. That was the only item I had so I went to the self-checkout (there was a queue at the ‘quickie’ till). I expect most people find these virtual till staff useful, but I don’t seem to be able to strike up a satisfactory relationship with the creatures. Probably they can sense the trepidation. Having successfully scanned ‘The Independent’ barcode I was then greeted with ‘Approval required for this item’. Further, I am instructed to place the item in the ‘holding bin’ (oh right, where the hell is that then?) whilst a flashing light on a pole is supposed to summon assistance in human form.

I finally figured out the ‘holding bin’ thing but that didn’t help - so I simply have to wait to be rescued. I admit that I did think about defeating the machine by walking out with my paper. I’m feeling angry now - all I wanted was a bloody newspaper and I’m trapped by a foul up somewhere in this monster organisation’s database. Whilst pondering my options a Tesco human finally appears and keys in a few numbers which helps the machine decide that I can be trusted with ‘The Independent’. I’m still angry. “Why did it need approval for a newspaper?” I enquired (maybe slightly aggressively). “I don’t know - there must be something in it” suggested the human with a shrug of indifference. Aha, now I understand - the e-checkout device is applying good taste criteria to the daily news. Although I will never buy ‘The Sun’ or the ‘News of the World’ this is nevertheless a worrying development. I’m going back to the ‘quickie’ till next time - come to think of it I’ll play really safe and go to Sainsburys.

(I think that the problem must have been the feature on the preening Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen in the magazine section. The machine needn’t have worried - I’d rather read the financial section than his self-obsessed drivel.)

I'm including a photo of the Laxey Wheel (Isle of Man) because I've been admonished for not posting any IOM images on my website. Sorry Liz (landlady of the excellent Lower Ballafodda guest house, near Ballabeg) I'll see what I can do.