WARNING: this entry contains Adult Content
Looking up the Skirts

Woke up yesterday to a strange clicking sound. Sat up in bed - Wusty was doing that thing cats do just before being sick - had to move quickly (he was ON the bed) - shoed him off but wasn’t quick enough to avoid a dessert spoonful of bile on the duvet. That’s the way to wake up eh - sod lying there like a vegetable for 10 mins figuring out what day it is, bursting for a pee but not able to interest the brain / body into firing up into full waking mode. No, a wretching cat on the bed is is definitely much more effective.

Whilst dwelling on bedroom matters - in the post was an invitation to give blood in town this week and, to speed up the process, I can fill in the Donor Health Check before I attend. They keep adjusting the ‘Lifestyle’ questions - and they get ever more intrusive and graphic.
e.g. (to be answered by men only) ‘In the last twelve months have you ever had oral or anal sex with another man with or without a condom or other form of protection?’ As it happens, I'm happy to say a very clear NO to that. (Unfortunately I don’t need to give much thought to any of their other ‘Lifestyle’ questions. Whilst this is not a cause for rejoicing, it does make this Donor Health Check a snap to complete). I couldn’t help but wonder why women weren’t asked if they’d had oral (or anal?) sex with another woman - surely lesbians can carry HIV as effectively as homosexuals? Anyway, here’s the point. When I’m sitting in the row of people this week waiting to make my noble sacrifice, I’ll find it hard not to look around at the guys and think “what an unadventurous lot we all are. In the last 12 months none of us have found comfort with a prostitute and there's not a single cocksucker amongst us”. Now where else, in the company of total strangers, could you say that with certainty?

During a lunchbreak at work last week I logged onto the website of a band that I’d heard in a US podcast and who I wanted to include in my next show. They are a great band with a strange name - Modern Skirts. (Listen to www.DarkhorseRadio.com - show 34 to hear the song of theirs that I played in the UK's best music podcast). About an hour after lunch I had a visitor from a female teacher. I had to look something up for her on the internet and as soon as I switched to Explorer there was the word Skirts for us both to see. Obviously I was totally nonchalant and kept a conversation going whilst waiting (it seemed an age) for the new page to clear the band’s site, but she probably thinks that I spend my days looking at fetish sites on the web and that’s not good for my street cred.

On Wednesday I have to attend a magistrates court in Wales (the country of my last offence) to find out if I will be banned from driving (it's almost a formality). I’ll need to practice humility and respect for the next couple of days, …………………wait a minute though, everyone must do that! Do you think they’d be impressed if I went in with a bit more 'attitude' and asked which one of them had never been caught in a police radar trap? Send me your suggestions - I’ll post another blog when the great and good have decided my fate.